No context necessary.
Love is All We Have
Jesca Hoop • Kismet
Do not listen to this Jesca Hoop song on, around, or beside your moon time, ladies (or gentlemen).
I know singer-songwriters aren’t everyone’s thing, but she says her lover was swept away and then there’s a key change and I AM NOT MADE OF STONE.
One of my favourite parts of the Fortean Times is the page of goth accessories in every issue, in which scowling tattoo aficionados strike self-conscious poses to hawk treasures like this ‘wolf dreams fleece’, which I now sort of want.
I’m also impressed by how this male model is at once malevolent, Nickelbacky, and slightly apologetic:
(And kinda French. Or is that just me?)
If you’re lucky I’ll report on what’s on the goth page in the next issue. In the meantime, you can visit spiraldirect.com for all your steampunk vampire tie-dye long-sleeve screen-printed t-shirt needs.
Incidentally, editor of the Fortean Times is my ideal job. I realise this isn’t the way to get it. I realise that. Shut up.
The classically beautiful Sarah Ditum kindly reads, tweets and Storifies part of Iain Duncan’s Smith’s terrifyingly featureless novel, so we don’t have to.
Not for the first time, I wish I spoke Swedish. Or Moomin.
I was not haunted, which was disappointing. But my room used to be three prison cells and had bars on the windows, which was nice.
Also, I drank a bunch of cocktails (including a Black Forest martini, which was amazing), ate not quite enough lobster for the price, wibbled about living in a simulated universe, accused my boyfriend of not liking me “because I’m weird”, and promptly fell asleep. Oh, and I went to a Nando’s.
Welcome to my Oxford.
- Aloha, cool cowboy! How are you getting on?
- Greetings, well-hung sweetheart! How life treats you?
- Will you make a fantastic friend for any playful girl like me!
- I am looking forward to hearing for you!
- Hello long man, are you very busy current days?
- Sleep with 6 girls in the next 6 days guaranteed!
- Hello, mighty man! I feel so lonelythesedays!
- I WAIT FOR YOU!!!!!!
- Women want this video banned from the internet!!!!
I’m guessing that last one refers to this video, because of all the Game of Thrones spoilers:
Ooh, what a warm day. I know, I’ll slip my unsocked feet into this leather heat-trap and schlep around town all day, squelching around in my own rancid foot-sweat gaining bunions and callouses, but it’ll all be worth it because the world can see, if they look really hard, A PORTION OF MY BIG TOE.
Unless I take care of them, my feet are part-barnacle and part-monkey paw, and can never be uncovered or laid in a pedicurist’s lap.
In which I floridly complain about the “upsetting architectural features” of my feet, and tell xoJanedotcom how to turn one’s knobbly hooves into dozing puppies using Vaseline, plastic bags and bad language.
In which I am interviewed by the brilliant Pamflet zine about my literary habits, but mostly end up going on about nose injuries and monkeys called Gary.
It was hard to know how to react when Iain Banks revealed his very sad news. I decided that making a top 10 list of cool things from his science fiction novels was appropriate. I got a bit excited and added the word YOLO, too. I’m sorry, Iain Banks. I love you.
Weyy! I’m famous! @StylistMagazine says I “slammed” the ePad Femme in @techradar: http://t.co/QadB9fa7HQ
THEM: “Hey Robyn, do you remember Button Moon?”
ME: “Why yes I do. Thank you for reminding me. Now please go about your day.”
Look, it’s a special tablet for women! It’s pink and it has a simplified menu! Because you know WOMEN! And I wrote about it for techradar despite the terrifying complexity of my computer keyboard.