‘Pulls heavy eyes open on thin strands’
The classically beautiful Sarah Ditum kindly reads, tweets and Storifies part of Iain Duncan’s Smith’s terrifyingly featureless novel, so we don’t have to.
Not for the first time, I wish I spoke Swedish. Or Moomin.
I spent the weekend at the Malmaison hotel in Oxford Castle which USED TO BE A PRISON AND IS APPARENTLY HAUNTED.
I was not haunted, which was disappointing. But my room used to be three prison cells and had bars on the windows, which was nice.
Also, I drank a bunch of cocktails (including a Black Forest martini, which was amazing), ate not quite enough lobster for the price, wibbled about living in a simulated universe, accused my boyfriend of not liking me “because I’m weird”, and promptly fell asleep. Oh, and I went to a Nando’s.
Welcome to my Oxford.
Write your name in cats. Thanks, @katiesol.
Today in spam
- Aloha, cool cowboy! How are you getting on?
- Greetings, well-hung sweetheart! How life treats you?
- Will you make a fantastic friend for any playful girl like me!
- I am looking forward to hearing for you!
- Hello long man, are you very busy current days?
- Sleep with 6 girls in the next 6 days guaranteed!
- Hello, mighty man! I feel so lonelythesedays!
- I WAIT FOR YOU!!!!!!
- Women want this video banned from the internet!!!!
I’m guessing that last one refers to this video, because of all the Game of Thrones spoilers:
Fashions that make me sad: peep-toe boots
Ooh, what a warm day. I know, I’ll slip my unsocked feet into this leather heat-trap and schlep around town all day, squelching around in my own rancid foot-sweat gaining bunions and callouses, but it’ll all be worth it because the world can see, if they look really hard, A PORTION OF MY BIG TOE.
xoJane.com: Make your gnarly feet look soft and passably human
Unless I take care of them, my feet are part-barnacle and part-monkey paw, and can never be uncovered or laid in a pedicurist’s lap.
In which I floridly complain about the “upsetting architectural features” of my feet, and tell xoJanedotcom how to turn one’s knobbly hooves into dozing puppies using Vaseline, plastic bags and bad language.
In which I am interviewed by the brilliant Pamflet zine about my literary habits, but mostly end up going on about nose injuries and monkeys called Gary.
techradar: top 10 gadgets from the Culture novels
It was hard to know how to react when Iain Banks revealed his very sad news. I decided that making a top 10 list of cool things from his science fiction novels was appropriate. I got a bit excited and added the word YOLO, too. I’m sorry, Iain Banks. I love you.
Weyy! I’m famous! @StylistMagazine says I “slammed” the ePad Femme in @techradar: http://t.co/QadB9fa7HQ
LUV & HAT: nostalgia
THEM: “Hey Robyn, do you remember Button Moon?”
ME: “Why yes I do. Thank you for reminding me. Now please go about your day.”
Stuart Heritage and I take on nostalgia on LUV & HAT.
Techradar: the ePad Femme: a tablet for Stepford Wives
Look, it’s a special tablet for women! It’s pink and it has a simplified menu! Because you know WOMEN! And I wrote about it for techradar despite the terrifying complexity of my computer keyboard.
xoJane: it’s ‘sexy’ health check week!
Hey, man. Have you sexy-health-checked your squeeze today? You could saving a life (this was a typo, but I like it so much that I’m leaving it in).
xoJane: Friendship counselling: would you?
Join me as I flip back through my Mental Scrapbook of Deceased Friendships. It’s not creepy or weird at all! It’s got tea-stained decals on, look!
One Cuppa Soup and a side of whelks, please.
