‘Pulls heavy eyes open on thin strands’
The classically beautiful Sarah Ditum kindly reads, tweets and Storifies part of Iain Duncan’s Smith’s terrifyingly featureless novel, so we don’t have to.

The classically beautiful Sarah Ditum kindly reads, tweets and Storifies part of Iain Duncan’s Smith’s terrifyingly featureless novel, so we don’t have to.
Not for the first time, I wish I spoke Swedish. Or Moomin.
I spent the weekend at the Malmaison hotel in Oxford Castle which USED TO BE A PRISON AND IS APPARENTLY HAUNTED.
I was not haunted, which was disappointing. But my room used to be three prison cells and had bars on the windows, which was nice.
Also, I drank a bunch of cocktails (including a Black Forest martini, which was amazing), ate not quite enough lobster for the price, wibbled about living in a simulated universe, accused my boyfriend of not liking me “because I’m weird”, and promptly fell asleep. Oh, and I went to a Nando’s.
Welcome to my Oxford.
Write your name in cats. Thanks, @katiesol.
I’m guessing that last one refers to this video, because of all the Game of Thrones spoilers:
Ooh, what a warm day. I know, I’ll slip my unsocked feet into this leather heat-trap and schlep around town all day, squelching around in my own rancid foot-sweat gaining bunions and callouses, but it’ll all be worth it because the world can see, if they look really hard, A PORTION OF MY BIG TOE.
Unless I take care of them, my feet are part-barnacle and part-monkey paw, and can never be uncovered or laid in a pedicurist’s lap.
In which I floridly complain about the “upsetting architectural features” of my feet, and tell xoJanedotcom how to turn one’s knobbly hooves into dozing puppies using Vaseline, plastic bags and bad language.
In which I am interviewed by the brilliant Pamflet zine about my literary habits, but mostly end up going on about nose injuries and monkeys called Gary.
It was hard to know how to react when Iain Banks revealed his very sad news. I decided that making a top 10 list of cool things from his science fiction novels was appropriate. I got a bit excited and added the word YOLO, too. I’m sorry, Iain Banks. I love you.
Weyy! I’m famous! @StylistMagazine says I “slammed” the ePad Femme in @techradar: http://t.co/QadB9fa7HQ
THEM: “Hey Robyn, do you remember Button Moon?”
ME: “Why yes I do. Thank you for reminding me. Now please go about your day.”
Stuart Heritage and I take on nostalgia on LUV & HAT.

Look, it’s a special tablet for women! It’s pink and it has a simplified menu! Because you know WOMEN! And I wrote about it for techradar despite the terrifying complexity of my computer keyboard.
Hey, man. Have you sexy-health-checked your squeeze today? You could saving a life (this was a typo, but I like it so much that I’m leaving it in).
Join me as I flip back through my Mental Scrapbook of Deceased Friendships. It’s not creepy or weird at all! It’s got tea-stained decals on, look!
One Cuppa Soup and a side of whelks, please.