Last Friday I was meant to go out to dinner at 7.30pm. At 7.29pm, my boyfriend was waiting in the living room, while I was still hopping round the bedroom, wielding my hair straighteners like an inept swordsman, wearing a single sock. The following exchange then took place. Him: ‘How long will you be?’. Me: ‘I dunno, about half a stone?’ Him: (Deafening, judgmental silence).
Because I am on a diet. And it is eating my brain.