robyn wilder!

Do not listen to this Jesca Hoop song on, around, or beside your...

Wed, 22 May 2013 17:50:00 +0100

Do not listen to this Jesca Hoop song on, around, or beside your moon time, ladies (or gentlemen).

I know singer-songwriters aren’t everyone’s thing, but she says her lover was swept away and then there’s a key change and I AM NOT MADE OF STONE.

WOLF DREAMS FLEECE: a beautiful piece to grace any home

Wed, 22 May 2013 15:21:00 +0100

One of my favourite parts of the Fortean Times is the page of goth accessories in every issue, in which scowling tattoo aficionados strike self-conscious poses to hawk treasures like this ‘wolf dreams fleece’, which I now sort of want.

I’m also impressed by how this male model is at once malevolent, Nickelbacky, and slightly apologetic:

(And kinda French. Or is that just me?)

If you’re lucky I’ll report on what’s on the goth page in the next issue. In the meantime, you can visit spiraldirect.com for all your steampunk vampire tie-dye long-sleeve screen-printed t-shirt needs.

Incidentally, editor of the Fortean Times is my ideal job. I realise this isn’t the way to get it. I realise that. Shut up.

'Pulls heavy eyes open on thin strands'

Thu, 16 May 2013 14:03:00 +0100

The classically beautiful Sarah Ditum kindly reads, tweets and Storifies part of Iain Duncan’s Smith’s terrifyingly featureless novel, so we don’t have to.

Not for the first time, I wish I spoke Swedish. Or Moomin.

Mon, 13 May 2013 21:00:28 +0100

Not for the first time, I wish I spoke Swedish. Or Moomin.

I spent the weekend at the Malmaison hotel in Oxford Castle...

Fri, 10 May 2013 15:33:00 +0100

I spent the weekend at the Malmaison hotel in Oxford Castle which USED TO BE A PRISON AND IS APPARENTLY HAUNTED.

I was not haunted, which was disappointing. But my room used to be three prison cells and had bars on the windows, which was nice.

Also, I drank a bunch of cocktails (including a Black Forest martini, which was amazing), ate not quite enough lobster for the price, wibbled about living in a simulated universe, accused my boyfriend of not liking me “because I’m weird”, and promptly fell asleep. Oh, and I went to a Nando’s.

Welcome to my Oxford.

Write your name in cats. Thanks, @katiesol.

Fri, 10 May 2013 09:59:07 +0100

Write your name in cats. Thanks, @katiesol.

Today in spam

Wed, 08 May 2013 09:15:00 +0100

Aloha, cool cowboy! How are you getting on?
Greetings, well-hung sweetheart! How life treats you?
Will you make a fantastic friend for any playful girl like me!
I am looking forward to hearing for you!
Hello long man, are you very busy current days?
Sleep with 6 girls in the next 6 days guaranteed!
Hello, mighty man! I feel so lonelythesedays!
I WAIT FOR YOU!!!!!!
Women want this video banned from the internet!!!!

I’m guessing that last one refers to this video, because of all the Game of Thrones spoilers:

Fashions that make me sad: peep-toe boots

Mon, 06 May 2013 12:12:00 +0100

Ooh, what a warm day. I know, I’ll slip my unsocked feet into this leather heat-trap and schlep around town all day, squelching around in my own rancid foot-sweat gaining bunions and callouses, but it’ll all be worth it because the world can see, if they look really hard, A PORTION OF MY BIG TOE.

xoJane.com: Make your gnarly feet look soft and passably human

Wed, 01 May 2013 23:05:00 +0100

Unless I take care of them, my feet are part-barnacle and part-monkey paw, and can never be uncovered or laid in a pedicurist’s lap.

In which I floridly complain about the “upsetting architectural features” of my feet, and tell xoJanedotcom how to turn one’s knobbly hooves into dozing puppies using Vaseline, plastic bags and bad language.

In which I am interviewed by the brilliant Pamflet zine about my...

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 21:40:09 +0100

In which I am interviewed by the brilliant Pamflet zine about my literary habits, but mostly end up going on about nose injuries and monkeys called Gary.

techradar: top 10 gadgets from the Culture novels

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 21:33:00 +0100

It was hard to know how to react when Iain Banks revealed his very sad news. I decided that making a top 10 list of cool things from his science fiction novels was appropriate. I got a bit excited and added the word YOLO, too. I’m sorry, Iain Banks. I love you.

Weyy! I’m famous! @StylistMagazine says I...

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 11:41:50 +0100

Weyy! I’m famous! @StylistMagazine says I “slammed” the ePad Femme in @techradar: http://t.co/QadB9fa7HQ

LUV & HAT: nostalgia

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 16:26:00 +0100

THEM: “Hey Robyn, do you remember Button Moon?”
ME: “Why yes I do. Thank you for reminding me. Now please go about your day.”

Stuart Heritage and I take on nostalgia on LUV & HAT.

Techradar: the ePad Femme: a tablet for Stepford Wives

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 16:23:00 +0100

Look, it’s a special tablet for women! It’s pink and it has a simplified menu! Because you know WOMEN! And I wrote about it for techradar despite the terrifying complexity of my computer keyboard.

xoJane: it's 'sexy' health check week!

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 16:18:00 +0100

Hey, man. Have you sexy-health-checked your squeeze today? You could saving a life (this was a typo, but I like it so much that I’m leaving it in).

xoJane: Friendship counselling: would you?

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 16:14:00 +0100

Join me as I flip back through my Mental Scrapbook of Deceased Friendships. It’s not creepy or weird at all! It’s got tea-stained decals on, look!

One Cuppa Soup and a side of whelks, please.

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 17:22:24 +0000

One Cuppa Soup and a side of whelks, please.

I hold down a full-time middle-management editorial job, a...

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 20:17:12 +0000

I hold down a full-time middle-management editorial job, a freelance writing career I mainly conduct during loo breaks and, for the last few months, I’ve been looking after my seriously ill mother. Something had to give.

Last week I quit my job because I couldn’t find my sports bra - by me, for xoJane.

Yep. By me, for xoJane UK.

Sun, 24 Feb 2013 20:01:00 +0000

Yep. By me, for xoJane UK.

"It’s turned me into the sort of person who takes her phone into the toilet. By now my phone must be..."

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 11:01:55 +0000

“It’s turned me into the sort of person who takes her phone into the toilet. By now my phone must be encrusted with poo spores, but dysentery can be treated. I’ve been stuck on fucking level 35 of Candy Crush for over a week now, and I cannot. Let it. Beat me.”

- Today on LUV&HAT: Candy Crush